14 December 2009

today is just not a good day. below average. in a humanly, worldly way that is. why do i always say that? because...we dont belong to this world. just passing by. and we have been redeemed from this fallen world. bought by blood; conquered death and beyond; but in a worldly way, it is not such a good day. i want to escape from all this. have the strength to build/dig a cave. and, hide.from all emotions. pains. worries. heartache. dismay. but i have been redeemed from all this.i have to remember that. i have to believe it. Christ never, never did, never will, has never died in vain. never.

but its difficult to remember in difficult times.

"When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you know my way..." Psalm 142:3

13 December 2009

Clair de lune by Debussy is truly a remarkable piece. i hear it a lot - especially now, for its calming soothing mesmerizing effect. i love it. when i'm numb - its good for that. of course i wouldn't come across debussy if not for twilight. and yes, i read it...more than once. not to fuel the bimbo part of me; but i guess for the utopic dreamy worldly part of me. sometimes its okaylah.

its finally coming to an end, 2009. how has it been? i cant recall much.whether subconsciously i'm trying to forget or i just couldn't care less or i have something else in mind i dont know.

have i added value? job? environment? family? friends? self? i dont see it. have i?

its more difficult than i ever imagine. i thought it would be ok. it would be fine. but you dont really know what you've got till its gone.

i'm numb. Lord help me.